As far as the animal kingdom goes, pets are pretty low on the food chain. They can’t hunt their own prey or make their own shelter and most of them are utterly devoid of genitals. But as far as the pet food chain goes, cats and dogs are king and queen. I’d imagine the dog would be the king and the cat would be the queen, its easier to picture it that way, especially the sex. I imagine it all goes well until cat queen complains that the king is being too ‘ruff’ and demanding that they ‘paws’ before informing dog-king (his name is Rex in this scenario) that if he thinks she enjoys that kind of coitus then he is ‘barking up the wrong tree’.
You’re welcome for those jokes with the homophones there. You’re welcome.
But I digress. Everyone has an opinion about whether cats or dogs are better pets, and some pop-psychology over what your preference reveals about you. Cat v. dog is in debate in that respect, but the internet has provided us with irrefutable proof that cats are funnier than dogs.
Cat videos and pictures are all over the internet, whilst dogs trail behind like (before posting insert in dog-metaphor for how the dogs trail behind. Maybe like greyhounds behind the rabbit. Is it a rabbit? It looks like a sponge. Maybe a meat sponge or something. I don’t know). The internet, is (I believe) used by everybody in the world, so it’s probably a good indicator of the general world perspective.
When one thinks about it, the reason as to why is steeped in an understanding of human nature. Of course I don’t mean the band human nature, though here is a link to their seminal hit, every time you cry; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77zyxyiCO8k. Again, you’re welcome.
Cats are more serious than dogs. If animals had a high school cats would be the kids in leather jackets smoking in the toilets and being emotionally unavailable to their paramours. Dogs would be the earnest losers, writing th year-book and turning up well dressed and on time to school functions with a stupid smile on their face.
Cats avoid humans unless they want something, dogs run up to you the minute they see you. Cats glide gracefully around a room, dogs mostly run into things and defecate in inappropriate places.
To put it simply, cats are the classy, dogs are buffoons.
One could assume that cats, being suave and observant would therefore be funnier, like micallef. Except cats don’t have the cognitive capacity to engage in funny making themselves, we laugh at what they do.
In Charlie Chaplin’s films, the tramp (Chaplin) took a beating, but the big prat falls were always reserved for the men in suits. If you wandered into one of his films the more powerful and important you were the more likely blunt force trauma was for you. Chaplin was of course a genius, so one can assume this isn’t by accident. People want to see people in lofty places brought down from their perch. The tramp covered in pie isn’t funny, of course he’s covered in pie, dude has no money and considering his outfit it's probable he's nursing a heroin habit. But the president with pie in his face? That is a mother-fucking-knee-slapper there sir, guaranteed. Robin Williams defines comedy as gravity. That is the moment one realises one is falling over, and there is nothing they can do. To recognise your powerlessness over gravity is the same as understanding chaos. As such comedy is a human reaction to and acknowledgement of chaos. Cats are less chaotic, more fluent, when they fall over, gravity takes them from a far greater height, and it’s hilarious. Dogs? They’re supposed to fall. Goons.
Before I go, just in case you missed it, here is a link to Human Nature’s “Everytime you cry”, which the more I think about it the more I imagine it to be some sort of misogynistic come-on. Anyway - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77zyxyiCO8k
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